(BiM)–The Chronicles

If you’ve read the “On: Loss” article that was before this one you will know that My 24-year-old brother just died recently. The question is now have I change since then.

It’s hard to say. I think I have become a more feeling person because of it. Before I use to be afraid that my life might end prematurely. I was afraid that I might not get to live the long life that I’ve always what to live, I never would have thought the God and chance and happenstance would take my brother.

Me brother died in a way such that only chance was to blame for his death. He collapsed we think it might had to done with his deathly allergy to peanuts. However, it’s odd because normally he could sense the presence of peanuts. He died of a weird allergic reaction that would have render CPR useless.

So who is to blame? no one really. How could anyone but God know this was going to happen. Some would think that because God is the only one who did know that this was going to happen that it was HIS fault. Well it might be HIS fault but I can’t bring my self to be bitter toward HIM.

I’ve read a few essays about forgiveness, being bitter toward God, and people cursing God, etc, and I have learned one thing: bitterness solves nothing. Little comes from being angry at a source that you can neither hurt nor damage nor change. There is little to be done and therefore little that I can achieve though bitterness. I’d rather skip that step of the healing process as soon as possible.

If I were bitter toward God I will be ignoring all the thing that HE has given me. HE gave me my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, my whole family. HE made me a beautiful, health body. He gave me intelligence and artistry: both of which have gotten me into Stanford University. HE gave me a wealthy family so I can afford life’s luxuries and indulge with little financial reprocuasion. the two weeks between me getting into Stanford and my brother death were the happiest day of my life. I can thank HIM for that.

I understand that God, made the universe has HE did. Evolution, science and what not he used, God has plan, a mysterious plan. If that plan does or does not envolve my brother, I do not know, I can not know. But what I do know is that bitterness is not the way. Nothing good come from bitterness so bitter good shall not come.

A week ago my brother died. He was 24 years old and died of a random accident. The nature of which is still unclear. I haven’t been to school for a few days now. I decided to go back to school the Monday after.

The way people treat you is interesting. All people responses are different. Some are better and more helpful than others. However the most common response was this: “I/We am/are sorry for your loss.”

Other said that: “if you need anything all you need to do is see me.”

I was called in the counseling office for emotional support. Some teacher told me not to worry about assignment while other had me still take long since scheduled tests. All my teachers and peers seem to have found out about my brother one way or another.

So what the point of this article? I think its important to know how to respond to other loss. Most important this to do is respond. Tell the person that you are sorry. However some things are more uncomfortable than other. One teacher asked me for all the details. That was difficult. Having to relive the description of my brother death and confront what I didn’t know about his death was most painful. On the other hand the food that many people have given us has been most helpful. It’s very hard to cook when you are sad. It makes for bad food. It also is very hard to engage in physical activity. I personally do not have the same strength that I had before I heard the news. But again, physical activity is helpful.

One of the nicest, most beneficial way of showing a person that you care is to give the card. I find that cards are one to the best things that a grieving person can receive. Something handwritten. Something in writing that looks nice, send a wave of relief over my body and soul. It made me cry, but mot out of grieve, but something better.

After all these responses I can see what good can come out of good person’s death. It shows the good nature of all those people that are near and dear. Its show that people are compassionate that that people care for those who the know.